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Life doesn't always make sense and no one ever told me that it would.  People have told me a lot of things which have turned out not to be true.  I've been told that there is a reason everything happens, that we have to fight through it all, that we are never given more than we can handle.  I don't know how much of that is true.  I don't find it easy to accept that there is a reason that everything happens.  Sometimes things happen that are just bullshit and there is no reason. 

I met a woman a long time ago.  I fell in love with her, completely.  I felt ways about her that I have never felt about anyone.  I thought things about her that I had never thought about anyone.  I imagined a future, a family, a marriage.  I dreamed of spending the rest of my life with her and to this very moment I am sitting here still thinking of all of those things.  She, apparently, didn't share my views on all of that.  She appeared to, she told me that she did, but something happened and I can't make sense of it.  She seems to have slipped away from me, or more accurately, she seems to have shoved me right out of her life. 

I know that this isn't a unique story and I know that many of you who are reading this, assuming anyone is reading this, have been through it before.  For me, though, it is somewhat unique.  I've been left behind, but never like this.  I've never lost someone for apparently no reason, I've never been left here holding all of these dreams and wishes and hopes.  Normally, I'd see it coming.  This came out of nowhere, this came for what I can only imagine is no real reason.  I cannot make sense of it, I cannot make sense of anything right now.  All I do know is that I am broken... but I can't quit.

I believe in something, I believe in someone and that gives me this drive to keep pushing forward and to keep trying.  I cannot accept that everything is gone and I cannot believe that a love like this has faded away so quickly.  My heart is leading me, and I am following it, and even if it leads me to a place of total destruction I will follow it because I have to know.  I have to know that, at the end of the day, I did absolutely everything I possibly could to regain this love.  I cannot give up on this.  I cannot give up on her.  I cannot give up on us.
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:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It pains me to see you hurting, but you always have my support and love. :heart:
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:icondani-the-naiad:
Dani-the-Naiad Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That sucks.  You're right to do all you can.

Have you read Richard Bach?  Bridge Across Forever is a fantastic take on soulmates.  My fav now.

Sending you my best vibes. :meditation:
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
I'll have to look into it.
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
Well, of course I don't know the details, but it sounds to me like she has problems with intimacy. I've been in a similar situation, and unfortunately there's really no easy way to resolve it. Have you tried having an honest discussion with her about it? In order for a relationship to work, both partners have to work at it -- they have to be able to communicate and trust one another. If you can't communicate with this girl or trust her, you really can't have a relationship with her.

That said, regardless of what's going on with her, it's you I'm more concerned about. You're investing all your happiness in this girl, and I cannot even begin to tell you how dangerous that is. You have to establish happiness in your own life before you can have happiness with someone else. Honestly I suggest you take a step back from all this before pursuing anything. Really take a moment to think about why you're so into her and if a relationship with her would be worth it. As QuiEstInLiteris said, you deserve someone who wants what you want. If there are conflicts of interest between you two that cannot be resolved without compromising who you are and what you want in life, then I suggest letting her go.

Hope everything works out. :heart: 
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:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014   Writer
I don't have any particular advice, just hugs. ♥ :hug:

You know I'm always here for you.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
:hug:
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:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014   Writer
:huggle:
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:iconmarenne:
Marenne Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Professional Artisan Crafter
Maybe she doesn't even know herself, why she left. I know it sounds lame but sometimes it takes months to figure out why you just had to run. and it that case it wasn't you at all, nothing you did. It was something in her she didn't (doesn't) know yet.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
Well... I don't know.  That could be.  I can say that based on her behavior lately, she definitely isn't herself.
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:iconfoolsightblind:
FoolSightBlind Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
Although i know some would say it's better to cut your losses and move on, i think it is better ( particularly if there's no ultimate fix) to know fully you left nothing unsaid or un done....i think that....when you look back, it's less regretful that way....just my 2 cents....nothing said by others really helps, but :hug:
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
I agree with you.  I believe I have to do all I can do, and say all that I can say, because if it doesn't work out I need to know that there was nothing left to try.
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:iconfoolsightblind:
FoolSightBlind Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
yeah...it doesn't guarantee you get what you want, but I think it's better to know you did what you could, ...good luck
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:iconchasingcloudbursts:
chasingcloudbursts Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Student General Artist
I am so sorry. I know nothing I say can help, but I still hope you know how sorry I am that happened to you. Still, I think that if she never reciprocated your dreams of a family and a life together, then it's no use. You need someone who takes your feelings into account and doesn't casually break your heart into pieces by leaving. There will be a day when you are happy again; live for that day.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
She did reciprocate them, is the thing.  She told me she wanted all of those things, and I believed her.  I'm not sure what happened to make it suddenly necessary for her to step away from me, but I she wanted those things as much as I did.  There is something amiss in this situation, and I haven't solved it yet, but I am missing a piece of the story which would bring it all together and possibly... make sense of it.
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:iconchasingcloudbursts:
chasingcloudbursts Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Is it possible to ask her why she left?
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
She never answers anything.  I basically told her I had no idea why she left and she just told me that I did know.
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:iconchasingcloudbursts:
chasingcloudbursts Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Student General Artist
Well, that kind of passive-aggressive manipulation isn't a good sign. Of course, it's easy for me to say, but I think you should let her go. I hope you either find a solution to the situation, or find happiness elsewhere. If you ever need to talk, my inbox is always open.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
You're very kind... I might take you up on it.
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:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Professional Writer
You're right; there has to be a reason. If you're this invested, and she let you become this invested, you absolutely deserve to know that reason, and you have every right to pursue it. 

But if you see this life, family, and marriage, and she doesn't, then for your own sake, you need to find someone who wants what you do. Affection is a feeling, but love is a choice, and if that commitment isn't reciprocal, you'll only wind up hurt more. Do everything you can, but within reason. Don't beat yourself up over this girl. You deserve someone who wants the things you want. 
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
She did see all of that, she told me that she did.  She wanted all of that, and I have no doubt of that.  Something happened, though, and I don't know what.  It's a much more complicated situation than I went into detail on, but there are factors at work here.  Some of them I know, and some of them I am still trying to discover, but ultimately I will find the piece of the puzzle that I am missing and maybe it will begin to make sense.  And if it does... than I am going to solve it.
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:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Professional Writer
Darling, I have no idea what's going on, but it sounds like it would make for a fascinating memoir. o___o 
I wish you all the best of luck. :huggle:
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
I think I am going to write it... a book covering the entire thing.  We'll see what happens...

Thank you.
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:iconvertigoart:
VertigoArt Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Professional Writer
I would like to say something cliché like "Women are crazy", but everyone is a little crazy a little of the time. What does this have to do with that? Well, my life has been a series of fuck-ups. I have lost more than I will ever have again and I have more than I could have ever hoped for. Things aren't perfect and they never will be, but I am happy (most days).

Your happiness is based in this woman. That is your first mistake and it is a mistake that I have also made. Self first and all others second is the way to not being hurt as much, but that is so much easier to say than it is to accomplish. My wife has left me a total of eleven times in eight years. The first time I swallowed a bottle full of Methadone so the anguish would end. Instead I ended up in a hospital and then a psychiatric hospital for a total of six weeks.

It hasn't gotten any easier and each time I am kicked out or she tells me she is never coming home again (and she's taking my kids) I feel as if my world stopped and I fell into empty space where I wait to die a horribly painful death.

So, wrapping up, yes your situation is unique. Yes it is the worst thing that ever happened to you, but unless you die tonight, you will smile again. Don't die tonight..
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
I suppose we never know how long we have.  And we never know what is going to come next.  I did make her my happiness, and maybe that was a mistake, but it felt right.  I trusted and I believed in it.  In her.
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:iconvertigoart:
VertigoArt Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Professional Writer
I know. Remember that the opposite to love and happiness is not hate but fear. Hate all you need to, but don't be afraid to live.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
Fear is a son of a bitch, for sure.  I kind of wonder if my own fear contributed somewhat to this.  At the same time... I am trying to figure out if this is on me or if it's all on her.
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014   Writer
I know that these are two completely different things, but I understand what you're going through (to a certain extent). 

Someone who I was best friends and really close to with for years randomly dropped me out of her life a year and a half ago. She, too, dropped me for no apparent reason that I know of, however she apparently told many others I did something unredeemable, and I cannot think of what that could be. She knew everything because we were so close, so I don't really know, and I don't care what that is anymore. It took me a year to get over it because I was in denial. 

I only shared this with you because I know that some people find it to be helpful to them -- to know that others have actually gone through this/something similar to it, and not just a statistic that did.

So I can sympathize with you to some extent, and I am truly sorry that this happened to you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I really hope that things will get better for you soon. 

You can always note me if you need someone to talk to. :huggle:
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
I appreciate your kindness and your story.. it does help to know that others have been here.
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