Life doesn't always make sense and no one ever told me that it would. People have told me a lot of things which have turned out not to be true. I've been told that there is a reason everything happens, that we have to fight through it all, that we are never given more than we can handle. I don't know how much of that is true. I don't find it easy to accept that there is a reason that everything happens. Sometimes things happen that are just bullshit and there is no reason.
I met a woman a long time ago. I fell in love with her, completely. I felt ways about her that I have never felt about anyone. I thought things about her that I had never thought about anyone. I imagined a future, a family, a marriage. I dreamed of spending the rest of my life with her and to this very moment I am sitting here still thinking of all of those things. She, apparently, didn't share my views on all of that. She appeared to, she told me that she did, but something happened and I can't make sense of it. She seems to have slipped away from me, or more accurately, she seems to have shoved me right out of her life.
I know that this isn't a unique story and I know that many of you who are reading this, assuming anyone is reading this, have been through it before. For me, though, it is somewhat unique. I've been left behind, but never like this. I've never lost someone for apparently no reason, I've never been left here holding all of these dreams and wishes and hopes. Normally, I'd see it coming. This came out of nowhere, this came for what I can only imagine is no real reason. I cannot make sense of it, I cannot make sense of anything right now. All I do know is that I am broken... but I can't quit.
I believe in something, I believe in someone and that gives me this drive to keep pushing forward and to keep trying. I cannot accept that everything is gone and I cannot believe that a love like this has faded away so quickly. My heart is leading me, and I am following it, and even if it leads me to a place of total destruction I will follow it because I have to know. I have to know that, at the end of the day, I did absolutely everything I possibly could to regain this love. I cannot give up on this. I cannot give up on her. I cannot give up on us.