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I don't see what many others do when it comes to my writing. On a very, very positive day, I am willing to say it is good. On a normal day, I define it as average. On a normal day, I think it's a lot of coal and maybe a diamond or two.
Over the course of the past few months, I've been struggling. I stepped back from writing because I was beginning to lose some part of myself in it. The part of me that writes for answers, that writes for truth. I began writing what I felt was expected of me, not what I expected of myself. In my opinion, that resulted in a steady decrease in quality and a dramatic shift in style. So, that coupled with the events of real life sort of pushed me into exile. I stepped away from deviantart, but I also stepped away from writing.
I didn't put pen to paper in a serious manner for months. The longer I was gone, the harder is became. Like going back to college, you say you will, but time passes and things get in the way and before you know it you're thirty and looking for a degree. I signed up for a creative writing class, partially to fulfill a credit requirement for graduation, which I'm finally nearing, but also, to push myself. I wanted to be in an environment where I had no choice but to write and just see what happened.
So far, the class has pushed me. And I have been thinking more and working harder at what I do. At a minimum, I've been putting a lot more thought into than I used to. That being said, I came on deviantart this afternoon to discover I'd received my 4th Daily Deviation. In the past, when I received one, I felt excited and thrilled and arrogant to a degree. Today when I saw it, I felt unworthy and humble.
I am not sure where my writing is going. At this point in my life, it's sort of... get better and pursue publication, real publication, or surrender to it being a hobby for myself. I've always dreamed of being published, to have my name on an overpriced book in a store where people browse and then buy it for cheaper on Amazon. Well, maybe not that exact dream, but whatever way I go with it, it is truly inspiring and uplifting to feel like what I have written is good, or worthy of recognition here. There are so many fantastic writers here and for me to have even just twenty-four hours of being noticed is more than I could ask for.
So, for those of you who have supported me over the years, and for those of you who have always had faith, I hope to repay you and earn that dedication.