Haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've struggled back and forth with some block, words just aren't coming the way I want them to and every line I write is driving me to frustration. I've been overwhelmed with a lot of difficult feelings. I know the majority of my watchers don't really read my journals, and that's ok because honestly I just need to vent this right now and I don't care if it is read or not.

I've been struggling with insomnia. Now I've had it before but it usually only lasts a few days and passes. This time.. I haven't been able to get to sleep quickly for over a month now. I've been up until six or seven am just staring at the ceiling. None of my usual distractions have worked, music isn't helping, tv isn't helping. Even when I took sleeping pills they didn't do anything. When I do get to sleep I wake up later on feeling like I didn't sleep at all and this is really beginning to screw with my mind. I find basic tasks more difficult than ever, my body just doesn't have the energy. Last night I was awakened by a really disturbing nightmare and could not get back to sleep so today I am running on three hours of sleep.

I feel stuck on a person. I think my mixed feeling surrounding her are what is truly screwing with my mind. In essence, for nearly three years, I've had an on again off again relationship. I'm just now beginning to accept that it may be best to leave it in the past and I feel like if I can just get passed it I could correct some of my problems but that is a task easier said than done. It can be very difficult to let go of someone when there are still feelings there, even when you know it's the right thing.

Finally, am I the only one who finds something a little peculiar about members of dA who have been here for less than a year but have favorited over 20,000 deviations? I mean, I favorite a decent amount everyday and I am only at 526. Just seems like overkill, and I'm beginning to wonder if this is done out of sincerity or a search to rise to the top of the popular streams as I've noticed a large correlation between members with huge numbers of favorites and members whose every deviation rises to the top ten of popular poetry in a 24 hour period. Maybe my lack of sleep is getting to me, or maybe there is something more to this. God I'm tired.